Roller Coaster Summer

I know, I know, no updates for months. I'm a bad blogger. Sorry about that, I'll try to be better in the future!

So, an update on the host visit with S this summer...It was a roller coaster ride. Not one of those kiddie roller coasters shaped like a dragon that just does small hills. Think of the scary, tall, bone rattling, wooden roller coaster that has all the warnings for pregnant women, those with heart conditions, breathing issues, back problems, etc. listed at the beginning of the line. You end up waiting in a long line, snaking through the all the barriers mentally calculating the wait time vs the ride time. Strap in, hold on, and before you can say Jack Robinson the ride is over and you can't wait to run around and get in line again. That was our summer and, yes, we are in line again for winter hosting!

S arrived a small, scared little boy with a big hug and smile as well as tear-filled eyes. A whispered, "Sveiki" or "hi" was all we got out of him at the airport. After checking with the translators they assured us that he was ok to leave the airport with us and was just tired after a long bus ride and two long flights. At 7 1/2 years old S got on a flight to go half-way around the world to spend 5 weeks with a family he's never met. That's pretty much the definition of trust and courage to me now.

His eyes lit up when he realized we would stay in a hotel that night near the airport. Having received warning that he gets carsick easily, we took a long time driving home the next day. We stopped frequently to alleviate his carsickness. Our 5 hour drive was ending up more like 7 hours. Patting ourselves on the back about how well we were handling it lasted until we got off the highway. Ten minutes into the back roads drive the little guy couldn't handle it any more and got sick. The terrified look on his face when we pulled over to clean him up was heartbreaking. I didn't know what he was thinking, but it looked like he thought we would turn right back around and put him on the next plane (he later confirmed this!). We were prepared with a change of clothes and bags, cleaned him up, and were on our way. The moral of this story is that we quickly learned Ziploc gallon bags are our friends and to never pull out of the garage without one gallon bag on either side of S's booster seat.

The transition into our family was seamless. S and our son got along immediately and he played well with all of our children. I could hear them talking, making car sounds, etc. as they played in the bedrooms and throughout the house. S would speak and the kids tried out their new language skills with him. However, when it came to speaking to me, it was a shake of the head yes or no for almost 10 days! S didn't say a word to me at first. It didn't last long and by the end of his visit we laughed about how he was too scared to speak at the beginning of our visit.

Several things about family life were completely foreign to S. The biggest change in him was seen at bedtime. Our family has a pretty simple bedtime routine, get ready for bed, read a quick story, tuck in, hug and kiss goodnight, lights out. Simple if you've ever experienced it before which S clearly hadn't. The first three nights he laid stock still as we tucked him in with a look on his face interpreted as, "I have no idea what this crazy lady is doing!" Again, by the end of the 5 weeks this was an area of huge change for him. It took me an extra 15-20 minutes to tuck in the boys due to the goofiness, extra story requests, and the "one more hug" requests from S. It was so encouraging to see him relax and enjoy the attention and hugs he received.

Goofy...that was what developed over the 5 week visit. S arrived quiet, shy, scared, and on the border of sullen. So sad to see in such a little boy. After a couple of weeks, he became a goofy 7 year old. It was fantastic to see him relax and have fun without a fight-or-flight response remaining on deck constantly! "You're so silly" was a favorite English phrase particularly because he heard it so often. (Now where I insert how hosting benefits these children's physical as well as emotional health. Feel free to Google it....the effects of decreased cortisol levels as the children realize they are taken care of, don't have to worry about food, safety, health, etc. Even a temporary decrease in their stress levels have a profound impact on their lives. Trust me on this, I've seen it occur before my very eyes!)

Doesn't sound like much of a roller coaster ride so far, does it? Well, I won't bore you with the day-to-day mood swings that occurred or the frustrations that popped up when language barriers became too great to express more than a simple want or yes or no answer. Any one who has travelled or spent an extended period of time in a foreign-speaking land will understand the cultural and linguistic exhaustion that sets in (heck, even Great Britain can get tiring!). Not seeing, eating, or hearing anything familiar can make an adult moody after a while, let alone a child. Understandably, there were times when S got homesick or needed quiet time to process the differences in his life over the weeks. Being aware and respectful of this allowed for a better host visit for all of us!

I have to admit that I tend to be a Doubting Thomas. Should've been born in Missouri, because I'm definitely a "show me" personality. My doubts about hosting dissipated by the end of the 5 weeks. We all saw a huge change in S. That is something none of us would trade for a fancy summer vacation which is what we all gave up in lieu of hosting fees. P143 facilitates the hosting of hundreds of orphans each year. The effect of a few weeks in a host family is apparent at the airport as the families say good bye to their host children and is maintained at the orphanges and foster families. One social worker at an orphanage in Ukraine said she can tell which children have been hosted because there is a different look in their eyes, one of hope.

So, we're back in line to ride the roller coaster again. 4 more weeks until S returns to our family for the Christmas vacation visit. We had no doubts that he wanted to return at the end of the summer host visit and we let him know that he was always welcome back to our family. We're even more prepared this time and I'm not just talking about Ziploc bags and a change of clothes!